i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
