My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
