I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
So apparently I’m into choking now
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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