I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
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