I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
