is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
