i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize
