He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
