he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
