I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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