I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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