i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
