He uses pillows to masturbate.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
