I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
okay pat passed out under dana's car
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
