Dude my mom stole all your condoms
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
