It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
