he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
