last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
