i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
