is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
