Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
