your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
We were destined to go to rehab together
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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