dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
