Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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