i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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