We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize