where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
