I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
