How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
