This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Randomize
