is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Randomize
