batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
You pole danced in your parka.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I just gargled with NyQuil
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
