just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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