no, he came in my armpit
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Randomize
