ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
