I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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