So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
