went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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