I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I need moral support for this bender
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
