You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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