You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
