guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
