I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I just got carded by a ten year old.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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