Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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