zippers are such a cool invention
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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