It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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