I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize