Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
