I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
