I'm jealous of your bromance
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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