that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
