I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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