when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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