So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
