I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
