Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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