I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
