Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
