i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
