I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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