Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize