Pants 0. Shit 1.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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