You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
