I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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