he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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