My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Sorry my hands just texted you
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
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