I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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