just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
