Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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