First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Randomize
