I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
