There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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