i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
