Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
