My Higher Power is John Stamos
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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