Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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