You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
