If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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