Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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