you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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