What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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