Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
