I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Come share oat with me in your robe
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
