I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize