If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
