You smell like stripper and shame
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
