i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
