Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
