Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
