are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
