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here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
