I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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