im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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