whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize